Dreams Versus Reality

Have you ever felt like something was over before it started? You ever think that your dreams were attempting to tell you something?

Dreams are strange and mysterious things. Metaphysically, scientifically, psychologically, they're not very understood. Why is it that we all have common occurrences in our dreams? Like, not being able to read something because it makes no sense. Or, how is it we're able to create people and places we've never been or seen in our waking life? Is it that we're able to imagine things based off of our imagination? Or, have we really been to these places before and we just can't remember because maybe it was in a past life? I'm not saying I do or don't believe in past lives, but  it does make you wonder about these characters and settings your unconscious mind formulates. Also, what are these created scenarios attempting to tell us, if trying to tell us anything at all?

It seems as though our own emotions formulate these scenes played out inside our heads. Paranoia for instance is a big one. The night before something really important occurs, us humans tend to dream about everything that could go wrong, does. Or, you worry that you significant other is cheating on you, so you dream about them sleeping with someone else or what have you. It doesn't seem as though our unconscious minds are attempting to warn us so much as attempt to show us our own latent feelings. Because, in our waking life, we may not even be aware of these thoughts we harvest inside, but our dreams are.

Myself, for instance, has a tendency to overanalyze, well, everything. But, even so, I do cover up alot of emotions and thoughts with what I want myself and others to believe. Of course, if you tell a lie enough it begins to becomes truth in a way. We all remember things that happened to us the way we want to remember them. If you're a pathological liar, your whole sham of a life becomes your real story. Same with relationships, sometimes even while they're happening.  Everyone does this, because everyones truth is their own perception. While you're in one position, your mind tells you you're in another, but the other person sees you in a completely different position according to their own perception. But, does that make things we believe lies? Or, does it make it real because that's how we see it? If no one knows the truth, who's to say it did or didn't occur?

Last night, my dream raised up my own paranoia that I was pretty unaware of. The result today is a pit-in-my-stomach kind of worry. Now, I'm completely unsure if this is legitimate delusion, or if it's really what's going on. I attempt to tell myself it's my own brain simply working up my own anxieties, but what if it's not? Does that mean my dream did warn me of something or did my dream just make me aware of my suspicions? I'm also telling myself it's no big deal, and I'm doing my same old over-analyzation. But, it's hard not to be concerned when something occurs that may or may not confirm those negative thoughts.

But, maybe my dream wasn't finished. Maybe I woke up too soon to know how things really are. Maybe my dream was over before it started. And maybe this whole thing ISN'T over before it started.

The mind is a funny thing, as are "lies", "truths", and well, dreams. So, what is reality?

The Lifestyle

School's almost done, and maybe this will motivate me to write more. Sometimes I'm on a kick, other times I'm completely null and void. I'll figure out something to say.

So, family just got done visiting. My mom's sister and brother. When the words "family's visiting" is uttered, it's never really a good thing. It's not terrible, but it's not completely bearable either. It's nice, but can be mildly irritating. Thank god for my car. Oh, Lola, you're my savior. But, now it's done and over with, and I can continue on living. Yes, I may sounds dramatic, but it's exactly how you feel. It's like all those sitcoms you see. Hey, sitcoms speak truth. The family unit is hilarious in retrospect... then again, most things are.

Lately, life has felt good, minus not working. I have $35 to my name, yet I'm not unhappy. I can't go searching for jobs either considering I'm leaving for Israel for 2 weeks next month.

But, this is a strange feeling. I'm not getting the itch to wanna run away anymore. I may hate New Jersey, but I'm in no great rush to escape. I'm content with all my friendships, there's no great struggle. The weather hasn't been too bad. I'm not subjected to bouts of cabin fever. I'm going to the gym every other day. I've been working with my friends for Food Not Bombs. I'm... content?

I'm not sure what it is, but I'm used to some sort of a struggle to keep me moving. I mean, I'm not happy with everything in my life, but I'm not stressed out either. My mood has been an overall zen. I can't remember the last time I cried. I can't remember the last time I wanted to punch something/someone. It's a peaceful existence.

Maybe it's because I consider writing to be part of the coping proses for negative emotions. But, it shouldn't be. I'm generally catatonic when I'm depressed. Hell, I'm probably only saying this to create some friction in my existence. So, does this mean happiness and contentment only create a certain misery in my life? Fuck, so where's the balance here? Do I thrive on a heartbroken and jaded lifestyle? Well, fuck me.

So, as mentioned earlier, I'm almost done school. I'm ending my community college career with all A's this semester. Cept now I'm left to figure out the next step. Where do I go from here? I want to go to school for creative writing, but I'm finding there to be no schools in the area with that major. I've been told I can create my own major at certain schools, but then there's the money issue. School is complicated and money sucks. I give a big "oy vey" to this.

And, alas, this decade is coming to an end. Which leaves me to wonder, what the hell did it prove? There has been no radical movements, there has been no great new creations in music (subtract all those shitty techno sub-genre's... they don't count), no one has passion anymore. Have people lost their fire for basic revolution? It seems as though all we care about these days is the advancements made in technology, but that may be the problem. Now, I'm guilty of this myself, but this past decade has been spent in front of so many screens. Computer screens, cell phone screen, Imax screens, IPod screens. I'm not saying these things are particularly BAD, but they don't do the youth a great amount of justice either. We're too lazy to create, to protest, to change, to evolve, to speak out. All of that is done through the convenience of the computer. I'm almost ashamed of my generation, and I can only hope we get the balls to stir up society once again. We need a movement, we need some sparks... hell, we need a title. I want us to be a little more than the technology generation.

I'm sick of this lull in the time line.