The Lifestyle

School's almost done, and maybe this will motivate me to write more. Sometimes I'm on a kick, other times I'm completely null and void. I'll figure out something to say.

So, family just got done visiting. My mom's sister and brother. When the words "family's visiting" is uttered, it's never really a good thing. It's not terrible, but it's not completely bearable either. It's nice, but can be mildly irritating. Thank god for my car. Oh, Lola, you're my savior. But, now it's done and over with, and I can continue on living. Yes, I may sounds dramatic, but it's exactly how you feel. It's like all those sitcoms you see. Hey, sitcoms speak truth. The family unit is hilarious in retrospect... then again, most things are.

Lately, life has felt good, minus not working. I have $35 to my name, yet I'm not unhappy. I can't go searching for jobs either considering I'm leaving for Israel for 2 weeks next month.

But, this is a strange feeling. I'm not getting the itch to wanna run away anymore. I may hate New Jersey, but I'm in no great rush to escape. I'm content with all my friendships, there's no great struggle. The weather hasn't been too bad. I'm not subjected to bouts of cabin fever. I'm going to the gym every other day. I've been working with my friends for Food Not Bombs. I'm... content?

I'm not sure what it is, but I'm used to some sort of a struggle to keep me moving. I mean, I'm not happy with everything in my life, but I'm not stressed out either. My mood has been an overall zen. I can't remember the last time I cried. I can't remember the last time I wanted to punch something/someone. It's a peaceful existence.

Maybe it's because I consider writing to be part of the coping proses for negative emotions. But, it shouldn't be. I'm generally catatonic when I'm depressed. Hell, I'm probably only saying this to create some friction in my existence. So, does this mean happiness and contentment only create a certain misery in my life? Fuck, so where's the balance here? Do I thrive on a heartbroken and jaded lifestyle? Well, fuck me.

So, as mentioned earlier, I'm almost done school. I'm ending my community college career with all A's this semester. Cept now I'm left to figure out the next step. Where do I go from here? I want to go to school for creative writing, but I'm finding there to be no schools in the area with that major. I've been told I can create my own major at certain schools, but then there's the money issue. School is complicated and money sucks. I give a big "oy vey" to this.

And, alas, this decade is coming to an end. Which leaves me to wonder, what the hell did it prove? There has been no radical movements, there has been no great new creations in music (subtract all those shitty techno sub-genre's... they don't count), no one has passion anymore. Have people lost their fire for basic revolution? It seems as though all we care about these days is the advancements made in technology, but that may be the problem. Now, I'm guilty of this myself, but this past decade has been spent in front of so many screens. Computer screens, cell phone screen, Imax screens, IPod screens. I'm not saying these things are particularly BAD, but they don't do the youth a great amount of justice either. We're too lazy to create, to protest, to change, to evolve, to speak out. All of that is done through the convenience of the computer. I'm almost ashamed of my generation, and I can only hope we get the balls to stir up society once again. We need a movement, we need some sparks... hell, we need a title. I want us to be a little more than the technology generation.

I'm sick of this lull in the time line.